Apple Braid

So I've been playing on this new website lately, pinterest.com.  Goodness, I can't begin to tell you how amazing it is, especially for someone who loves to bake, like me. Aside from endless recipe's it seems, the inspiration for not only cooking but just about anything else that tickles your fancy takes my mind farther than I ever thought it could stretch.  Today's inspiration? An apple braid.  I already have a fantastic apple pie filling recipe that I created and sadly, won't be sharing because a girls gotta have a few kitchen secrets, right?  However, I will share the rest and you can use your own apple pie filling! If you don't have an apple pie filling of your own that you're in love with, I've provided the spice combination I use when I make my own apple sauce that should produce similar results in flavor. 

Changing with the times…

Today I was lucky unfortunate enough to take place in a conversation that, I won’t lie, has me a little irked. The topic? Sexting.  It started innocently enough, with a comment that it’s sad that a sign of the times is that “sexting” can now be found in the dictionary. A few harmless comments were made to it, and I chimed in with “it’s sad that the population that probably had a large hand in making this term popular ranged from 10 to 18.”  Insert some more comments, and follow it up with someone saying “If I had to choose between sexting and real sex for my teenager, it would be sexting.”

I’m sorry. What? If you, "had to choose?"  Why would you as the parent HAVE to choose? 

There are a couple things wrong with all of this, if you ask me.

The first being what on earth is a 10 year old doing with a cell phone? I understand medical emergencies, I can even understand sports practices and games as a means to call for a ride if the school is locked up and you can’t access the office phone. But even in those circumstances, there is no good reason for a 10 year old to have a cell phone at their disposal whenever they want it. If that phone is for emergency purposes, then it would prove to reason once they’re home and back under you watchful eye, you should have the cell phone back in your possession, in your room charging, in the kitchen, etc. It doesn’t need to be in their pocket, and going into their bedroom with them at night. They’re 10!

Secondly, I don’t care what age your child is, if you’re paying for that cell phone, it’s yours and not theirs. That means you have the RIGHT to pick up that cell phone any time you want and look at the call history, the text messages, and anything else. You have a right, and a responsibility, to know who they’re talking to. Your child should know that at any given time you may ask to see their phone and they will hand it over, without having a moment to clear the history, because they’re not paying for it. And if you tell me “Well, it’s coming out of their allowance so technically they are,” my response will be “And whose name is it under since they’re not 18 yet?” You are doing them a favor by having it in your name, probably with a contract. It’s your phone.

Third, nobody NEEDS a cell phone. Do not justify to me “they’re driving now so they need their cell so I can’t take it away from them.” If they break the rules under which you are ALLOWING them to have that phone, not only should that phone go away but so should the car keys if you don’t feel comfortable with them driving without a cell. Make those two privileges go hand in hand. If you lose one, you lose the other. How did they get to school before their car? School bus. I’m pretty sure there’s a school bus after school that will take them to the vicinity of work. And don’t tell me you don’t want them “walking in that neighborhood” because they were driving in it just fine. Or, if your schedule so allows, you can pick them up and take them to work. A bit of an inconvenience, perhaps, but just because they’re 16 and can drive themselves everywhere does not mean your obligation as a parent is over with.

Now, those things being said in regards to young kids and cell phones, let’s go back to why you have to choose what is the lesser of two evils you’d rather have your child participating in. I don’t know how it was for others growing up, but I know in my house my parents didn’t settle for the lesser of two evils. Had “sexting” been the big thing when I was a kid, they wouldn’t have looked at my phone and saw a sexy message and said “Well, I guess I’d rather have you doing it on your phone than in person.” In fact, instant messaging was the big thing when I was a kid.  Chat rooms initially, followed by AOL instant messenger, which eventually gave way to MySpace.  I have no doubt, in fact I’ve been reaffirmed, that my father went in and checked the computer history of the internet. He knew EXACTLY what sites I’d been to, if I’d been to chat rooms, and how frequently I was there. If something came up that was not “kosher” you better damn well believe I was called out on it and questioned about it.

AIM has this nifty little feature when installed that it logs all of your instant message conversations. My father was smart enough to move that folder to his user name that was password protected so I couldn’t get in and delete it or edit it, and the function to turn off AIM’s message recording wasn’t an accessible one at the time. I can clearly point out to you times when a conversation I had had with a friend was pulled up on the computer in front of me and my father asked what we meant by things we were saying, and I also clearly remember being grounded and having my computer privileges taken away.

There was no computer in my room that had internet access, and once I got a lap top that sucker didn’t go into my room at night. If I was on the internet and chatting with people it was done in the living room, where anyone could walk by at any time and see that screen. This was done for 2 reasons. 1.) to keep the content of my instant messages honest and 2.) to make sure I wasn’t talking to people I didn’t know. I wasn’t allowed in chat rooms, I wasn’t allowed to make internet friends, and any RPG games that I may have played had to have the chat function disabled because you never know who’s on the other end of that computer. And if you, as a parent, think that it’s gotten “safer” over time you’re very much mistaken. Firewalls and virus software may have gotten better, and new operating software may give you more control of what your child has access to, however pedophiles have gotten sneakier and smarter. And with the popularity of MySpace and Facebook it’s become easy as pie to make an uneducated child believe they are in fact talking to a 14 year old boy from Kansas from their living room, rather than a 30 year old man from just down the street.

And kids are constantly updating their status of “school, practice, and then home until my parents get out of work,” to unknowingly let that 30 year old man from just down the street know that they’re home all by themselves. And you give a kid a cell phone with internet abilities and they can “check in” anywhere they go and it immediately posts on their Facebook where they are and with whom should they opt to include it.

It’s proven the more a child is exposed to something the more desensitized they become. How many times have violent video games in combination with bullying been to blame for a school shooting? They say that the child has become desensitized to the blood they see on TV and therefore taking someone’s life doesn’t seem that hard to do. Physically it’s proven, the more you expose yourself to certain things you become desensitized, you grow a tolerance. The same can be said for sexting. Instead of settling for your kid to be sexting because at least it’s not real sex, consider this. The more they talk about sexual acts, and be flirtatious beyond their years, the more they see naked men or women, the more they talk about the details of the sexual encounter they want to have…the less will stand in their way for them to do it. The easier it will be for them to take that “alternate reality,” if you will, that they’ve been imagining and talking about and implement it into their everyday life. At the risk of sounding crude but in a desperate attempt to get your attention… the more your daughter talks about letting a guy feel her up, the less difficult it becomes to let them do it. The more she talks about letting a guy pleasure her, the easier it is to let him do it when the opportunity presents itself. The more your talks about letting a girl blow him, the easier it is to let her do it. The more he talks about her riding him the easier it is to let her do it.

And it’s not just easier because they’re desensitized; it’s easier because they’re now curious. The thought is already there for preteens and teens the minute they go through sex-ed, and sometimes before that. They already wonder what all the hype is about. After all, they see it on TV, on the internet, in advertising… it’s there in their faces already. But when they have to start imagining letting a guy or girl do things to them, imagine the pleasure they’ll feel out of it, and try to think about how great it will be because of all the hype that’s made about sexuality in our society… the easier it is for them to let it happen, the more they want it to happen.

And for some reason, with all the information that’s available online about security issues, pedophiles, teens who were kidnapped or raped, and stupid stuff kids get themselves into.  With all that’s out there on studies of desensitizing our kids and the risks of an over-sexualized society on young children, parents still feel that they need to accommodate their child to allow them these privileges and settle for the lesser evil. I’m not saying they can’t have a Facebook, I’m not saying your 16 year old who is now driving shouldn’t have a cell phone, I’m not saying they should be allowed to meet new people.  What I am saying is this.

Scare them. Scare the living crap out of your children.

Make them scared that you could pull their cell phone records at any time and see who they’ve been texting and what the texts have said.

Make them scared that you’re monitoring their Facebook and at any time you require them to log on to their account and give you access to check their messages, you could see anything they’ve written.

Make them scared that you will ask them who certain friends are, and ask them to draw a link.

Make them scared that the friend they have on Facebook that just doesn’t quite match up, you will in fact contact and make sure this person is who they say they are.

Do not make them scared to live in the world, but make them aware of the dangers and possible consequences to their actions. Make them scared of what you will do if you find out. Don’t just tell them they can’t go into a chat room, but explain to them why you don’t want them doing it. Give them the tools and information to make those good decisions for themselves.

And for the love of God, make sure they know that anything past a roof over their head, food on the table, their education and the love they get from their parents is a privilege and not a right. So their car, their cell phone, the TV, hanging out with friends, their bike, the 4 wheelers, etc. can be taken away at a moment’s notice should it need to be as part of a punishment. I’m not saying your child should believe they’re not deserving of fun or nice items…but until they can buy them on their own, pay for the insurances or monthly bills, and appreciate them, those items are yours. 

My parents didn’t hesitate to ground me from life itself if I required it. And honestly, I’m better off for it. My dad didn’t pick “well, I’d rather have you sexting than having real sex.” Hell no. My dad didn’t want me doing either, and I knew it. The punishment for one was not any less severe than for the other, and the knowledge I had of how aware my father was of my actions put a fear in me that made me entirely too nervous of being caught to try and get away with it.

As a teen did I hate that my parents could have access to anything I wrote at any time they wanted to, yes! But did I feel like they didn’t trust me? No. It was only brought to my attention that they’d read something when I’d done something wrong. If I gave my parents a reason to distrust me, then I couldn’t really be upset about feeling like they didn’t in the first place. As an adult, it hasn’t hindered my relationship with my parents in the least.

Wouldn’t you, as a parent, rather be preemptive and be pleasantly surprised to find out your child isn’t doing anything they shouldn’t be, than to allow them to have the world at their fingertips and trust them to use it correctly and have nobody to blame but yourself once you find out they’re not? And more than likely, unless you have someone talking to your child who has a loyalty to you and will tell you when something is not right… you’re not going to know that something is wrong until it’s very wrong. Which side of caution do you want to err on? You’re not your child’s best friend, you’re their parent. There will be plenty of time for a friendship when they’re older.

Painting Project Must Haves!

So this week I'm taking on the task of painting Lyla's room and oh what a task it is.  Thankfully I've had some experience in the past few years in the painting department with all that we did on our home in Washington.  There are tools I've found that are well worth the purchase, tricks that save you tons of time if done right, and some that even save money.  I realized today while slathering some more green on the walls that some of these I've never heard anyone else mention and may be worth sharing.  Who knows, maybe it'll make your life easier too!

The first must have item.  

A paint can pour spout that I snagged from Lows for $.99.  First and foremost, at that price how can you really go wrong?  Truthfully, it fits on any can.  I've put it on a gallon, and it goes on with ease.  I've put it on a quart...it takes maybe an extra 5 seconds to bend it into place but it does in fact go on.  This nifty little gadget does a couple things. 

If you're pouring your paint into a paint tray, it's a pour spout.  It keeps it from dripping down the side of the can and on to the surface you're putting the can.  It keeps it from pooling up in the crease that the top goes into, making it easier to get the top on after as well as saving you paint because you haven't had to wipe it off the side of the can, or out of the top.  If you don't get it out of that crease in the top well, then it will become difficult to get the top on (learned that from experience) and then the rest of the paint in the can will dry up.  Kiss the money spent on your paint goodbye.

It does the same if you're using a paint brush right out of the can! Wipe the excess on your pour spout and it filters right back into the can to use again.  Not in the crease, not down the side, and not spattering all about.  It's easy to scrape when you're done painting so the paint on it can go into the can, and because it's plastic is rinses clean for the next color!

Must have number 2... Saran Wrap!

In the event you paint like I do and don't complete a room in a day, or save coat number 2 for the next day...saran wrap is definitely necessary.  Make note when you first dip your roller into your paint tray of how frequently you need to recoat until it becomes saturated with paint that it's not eating it up.  Wanna take a guess as how much paint you just had to use that you won't get back?  Instead of finishing for the day and washing out your roller cover, or throwing it out, wrap it in saran wrap and toss it in the fridge.  If you're not changing colors and won't need the actual roller you can keep it right on the roller itself.  If you're keeping it on the roller be sure to put it on the bottom shelf or on a tray in your fridge though, so any paint that may escape the sides won't drip on to your food.  Chances are you already have saran wrap in your house anyway so this won't even cost you money!  But, it will save you from washing away all that paint it took to wet the roller all to rewet it again the following day and waste more!  Again, can't go too wrong, right?


There's nothing I hate more when it comes to painting than taping.  Ugh.  I'm a perfectionist so it needs to be straight, it needs to stick well, it needs to be peeled off at JUST the right time so the paint won't drip onto your molding but it also won't pull the paint away in places you want it to stay.  And if you're painting near the ceiling, especially a popcorn one, well then you're just screwed.  No more!  I don't even bother using the tape now.  

 Say hello to your new best friend!  The metal one to the left is a 4 inch joint knife, the one below and to the right is a 4 inch plastic putty knife.  I've used both.  Honestly, the plastic does the job pretty well, and for a lot less.  The only time I'd recommend the joint knife would be against the popcorn ceilings, or if you're in an old home where things may not be straight and crisp, there might be bumps on the molding, and you need to really get into those corners as tight as possible to give it a clean crisp finish even though none of the joining area's on your wall are clean or crisp.  The trick?  Instead of taping your floor boards, your window and door trim, and the radiators... Instead of trying to remove the outlet and lightswitch covers that have been pretty much painted into place and then you'd have to mess with wall repair (especially a biggie if you're in a rental)... Grab your joint or putty knife and a good quality paint brush! 

Take that puppy and put it right up against whatever it is you don't want paint on (even the carpet if you don't have floor boards!) and start painting! 

A few pointers... 

If you're using the plastic putty knife make sure you check to see if both sides are the same.  Often times, one side will be rounded while one side will be flat.  Obviously, you're going to want to make sure the flat side is against the surface you don't want to get painted, otherwise if it's the rounded edge you're going to have a small gap on the wall where paint didn't get to.  Once you've figured out what side is what, take a sharpie and draw an "X" on the side that should always be facing up.  Save yourself the hassle of figuring it out each time and just look for your mark.  The joint knife is usually flat on both sides and you shouldn't have the problem. 

Be aware of what you're painting and how much paint is on the brush.  It takes a few minutes to get a good comfortable feel for it, but eventually you'll just be sliding that sucker along the wall and painting as if you've been doing it for years. 

Keep a drop cloth or old towel near you.  Every now and then you may notice paint might get to the bottom half of your knife.  If so just wipe it off.  If it builds up you'll start to notice your paint color on the trim you were trying to keep clean.  Thus, it's also good to have a damp wash cloth near by until you get the complete hang of it so you can wipe off any mistakes without having to dig out a different paint once you're done to correct your mistakes. 

While it may take a few minutes to get comfortable with, the time you'll save yourself in the long run when it comes to ceilings, and not having to tape and peel before and after each painting project will be well worth it. 

So, happy painting!  I can't wait to have the room finished, or the painting at the very least so that I can get some pictures up.

Look at that, I found something to write about!

Aah facebook, a glorious evil unfortunately.  Slowly over the past few months I have found myself getting annoyed while reading posts.  It's not one person specifically, there are a handful of people on my own news feeds, and I'm sure there are several million more in the world who do the same so this isn't so much to target any 1 individual as it is the action itself.

Has anyone else found it less than appealing to listen to a parent trash talk the other parent or "air the dirty laundry" of their failed relationship in respect to their child?  Putting aside the unfortunate circumstances that sometimes bring a child into this world, in most cases kids are conceived (or adopted I suppose) due to 1 of a few scenarios.

The first, and honestly the most ideal, is that a loving committed couple decides they want to expand their family.  In this scenario, a parent shouldn't really get mad (publicly) at their current or ex significant other regarding their parenting skills, or lack there of. You consciously decided that they were the person you wanted to start your family with.  At one point in time they were exactly what you wanted.  Yes, situations change, however you didn't go into it expecting them to be a bad parent.  So it may be irritating that they're being less than ideal as a parent in your eyes, however trashing them out of your own hurt does nothing for your child.  If your goal is to get them to interact with their child, send child support, be available, ect... then publicly slamming them, especially without ever pointing out the good they do, won't accomplish your goal.  They may already feel defeated since you have such a negative opinion of them that it's not even worth their time or effort to try and change your mind.  If your goal is not to get them to be there for their child, then by all means keep on insulting them internet wide and letting the hurt and frustration you feel towards your failed relationship interfere with your child's ability to have a loving and healthy relationship (either currently or when they're old enough to appreciate it) with the other parent.


The second, less than ideal but certainly not terrible, scenario is that a loving and committed couple find themselves pregnant without planning it.  While it's not planned, it's very similar to the first situation.  This person was someone who you were happy to be with, made a conscious decision to stay with, and thought was a good partner.  You may not have been planning for children, but child or no child, your outlook towards your partner was a good one. 

And the third is the accidental conception that lumps together one night stands, getting pregnant to keep the guy, or the couple that get pregnant before they ever get the chance to become the "loving and committed" couple of their own choice.  This is the situation that kills me the most to listen to parents complain about the child's other parent.  If it was a one night stand that got you pregnant...you honestly have nobody to blame but yourself.  Yes, it takes 2, yes you couldn't have gotten pregnant without him, but in all honesty had you opted to keep your legs shut you couldn't have even gotten pregnant with him.  By one night stand we're talking the fling with the guy you met at the bar and don't know from Adam.  Not the friend you've known for years and decided to have sex with.  While birth control isn't 100% effective, if you were taking it responsibly, and insisted on use of a condom the chances that you would be pregnant right now are slim to none. 

For those who try to get pregnant to keep the guy?  All I have to say is shame on you.  If you were worried that he was already going to leave you, why would you want him around?  He obviously finds some quality in you, or your relationship, that turns him off to a long term relationship. Why would you want to be with someone, to trap someone, who doesn't want to be with you???  Forget having enough respect for yourself to not try and tie yourself to someone who doesn't want to be with you... Where is your respect for the child you're trying to conceive? Don't act all concerned for the emotional health of your child because they have a "bad father" when you weren't being such a great mother intentionally bringing them into this world to more or less use as a pawn in your relationship.  You are just as much to blame as the father is for the situation your child is in.  They are in this situation because you put them there, so before you go pointing out all the flaws in the man who didn't want anything to do with you anymore anyway before you tried to trap him...think about how selfish you were being to try to have a child so they could be your pawn!  If you intentionally got pregnant to keep him, then you deserve whatever hell you're going through. Your child may not deserve to have a bad father, but you more or less inflicted this on yourself and your child to begin with. 

Now, I admit...a good man or woman would not allow the downfall of their relationship to get in the way of them being a good parent.  However, some people are petty enough to let it get in the way.  What's more sad yet, is some people do nothing to help the situation...like those who publicly make note of all the bad things their "ex" is doing wrong.  If what you're saying isn't going to help the situation, your desire to get him to be around your child, or your child themselves, then keep your mouth shut!  Your significant, or ex significant, other should not be your priority...your child should be your priority.  If he forgot to send the child support, or she missed her weekend with her son/daughter yes...it sucks.  But if they're truly that bad of a parent, take them to court, get a court order or fight for custody, and be done with it.  If they never see their son/daughter to begin with, and don't make an effort to try...your child is almost better off without that parent in their life, without sounding too crude.  It's better for a child to know the unconditional, healthy love of 1 parent than to have 2 parents they watch fight, talk badly about one another to them, and get continuously let down by.  It's not easy to watch your child suffer, it's not easy to be a single parent, and it's not easy to do it alone.  But, when you decided to get pregnant, or to keep your child it no longer was about what was easy for you but rather what was best for your kid.  Take all the effort you put into trashing the child's mother or father into loving and raising your child, they'll be better off for it.

So, that being said... Stop ranting and raving to the entire world (because let's face it, how private is facebook really?) about how he didn't send child support, or didn't see his/her kid this weekend, or told you that they wanted to be there but couldn't because of whatever reason.  I'm not saying you can't vent, but do it privately, get it out of your system, and then be done with it.  Don't continue to complain about how terrible of a parent they are if you're not going to do something about it either by going to court or to just stop caring (so to speak).  Grow up and start thinking about what's best for your child and stop thinking of your own hurt ego or pride.

Downsizing Life

Gosh, has it really been a week since my last post?  And here I vowed that I was going to keep on top of my blog this time around.  What an absolutely crazy and hectic week.  Ever had life just get away from you for a while?  That’s been this week, between moving out of our place in Vermont, and moving into our new place in Massachusetts and all that comes with moving, I’m surprised that half the time I even know what month it is, much less the day. 

While in the midst of all this moving though I can say that I’ve grown to appreciate downsizing our life.  I’ve heard it said that if you get a big enough space, you’ll find a way to fill it.  Be that empty fridge space, an unused garage, or a 4 bedroom home… I may not have put much faith into that saying before, but after this move I guess they might have been right.  I think we should take the time to reflect on our lives more often, to consider what, and who, we really need.  Pregnancy has shed an entirely new form of “not caring” to my life right now as my focus and priorities are shifting and items I may have held on to previously I’ve been more than happy to toss out or give away.  And the stress of some relationships that I may have been willing to put up with before, I now have less tolerance for either the childish actions or the relationships themselves.  While it may not be someone’s ideal circumstance to go from a 4 bedroom rental home to a 2 bedroom apartment, I have to admit it feels so great to have life become that simple.  If we’ll need it, it comes into the apartment, if we will use it once we have the space again (such as Jeff’s woodworking tools collection) then it goes to storage, and if I won’t need it now, can’t say for sure I’ll use it when we move next, or think that I’ll probably upgrade at the point in time we next move…then just get rid of it.  We’ve both held on to a lot of items because of “what if’s” with our moving around since we first got together and combined houses.  It feels good to finally just let that go and when I look around my somewhat disorganized obstacle course of an apartment know that it’s not just “stuff” to fill empty space, though Jeff may say otherwise about my shoe collection J  I’m not saying it’s not good to make your house a home, to decorate, and to have hobbies or find something to collect while on your travels…however at what point does it go from home décor and fun hobbies to borderline hording?  As a kid I remember my parents encouraging me to go through my clothing and shoes and if I hadn’t worn it in the last 6 months to a year (unless it was seasonal), or if it didn’t fit, to give it away.  That always made sense to me with my clothing, but that may almost be something worth implementing in the rest of our everyday life to the items that actually serve a functioning purpose.

Children Are...

I think sometimes parent forget to appreciate their children.  While working at a chiropractors office out of Keene New Hampshire I stumbled across a wonderful poster that was stashed in a back room. This particular chiropractor was by far one of the most family oriented men I have ever met and my respect for him for being able to keep that while owning his own business is more than I can express.  Think about this next time you find yourself annoyed at your child’s over active imagination, or unappreciative of their resourcefulness or spontaneity. 

Children Are…

Amazing… Cherish them

Believable … Trust them

Childlike…Allow Them

Delightful … Relish in them

Energetic … Nourish them

Fallible … Forgive and teach them

Gifts… Treasure them

Here now… Be with them

Imaginative … Dream with them

Joyful … Appreciate them

Kindhearted … Learn from them

Loveable … Adore them

Magical … Fly with them

Noble… Esteem them

Open minded… Respect them

Precious… Value them

Questioners… Encourage them

Resourceful … Support them

Spontaneous … Enjoy them

Talented … Believe in them

Unique … Affirm them

Vulnerable … Protect them

Whole… Recognize them

Xtraspecial… Celebrate them

Yearning… Notice them

Zany… Laugh with them

Your job, your obligation, as a parent, is to raise your child to be the best person they can be.  To let them see their potential and help them reach it.  To give them all the building blocks they’ll ever need so that they can figure out what combination will get them where they want to go in life.  To do that, you’re going to need to learn to speak your first language.  Not that of an adult, but that of a child.  You can’t tell a child to be patient without teaching them what patience means.  You can’t tell a child that they need to share without first teaching them what sharing is.  And while yes, the ultimate goal is to have your child grow into an upstanding adult who can make their way in this world…you also need to teach them that it’s okay to be a child.  Every child deserves a healthy childhood, I believe being able to explore that and get it out of their system not only allows them to become an upstanding adult, but allows them to laugh at themselves, to get through life alive, and allows them to have an amazing childhood to refer to when they start raising their own.   Let them imagine, let them create, let them learn things by trial and error.  Let them feel protected when they're scared, and give them the confidence to face their fears on their own.  We know as parents we need to teach our children to have patience...but we also need to remember to have patience of our own and let our children be children.