Before and After

I was posed with an interesting topic to think on the other day.  It was asked "What do you miss most from before becoming a mother, and what do you appreciate most after becoming one?"

I've been struggling with this a lot lately.  Some days it just feels that I'm either a mom or a wife, but have a hard time juggling both in any given day.

What I mean by that is that my husband can come home after working a 12 hour shift to a house that's clean, I've managed a shower and to do my hair and make up and be dressed in something other than comfy pants and a tank top.  I might have made a dessert that day or cooked something special, and I've taken some time for me throughout the day so that I'm relaxed and happy.  However, because I have taken time away from spending with my daughter, she is in a less than desirable mood.



Or, I can spend the entire day indulging in my daughters laughter, playing with her, washing bottles and picking up after her while she's napping, and maybe even get her out of the house so she can see something different.  However, that will mean when he gets home I'm exhausted and ready for a few hours for myself before bed time.  I've probably not showered yet that day, I'm certainly not in anything cute, I'm rocking the pony tail or messy bun, and I probably don't want to be touched as I've spent the entire day being climbed on and crawled all over and just want a few hours of sanity.

Mom... Or wife...  It seems I can't have it both ways at the moment.

So, when thinking about things I miss.

I miss being able to cook a different meal every night.  Currently we batch cook for the week, usually something in the crock pot, and we reheat it throughout the week in individual servings.  It's not bad, I don't get sick of it but...for someone who likes to cook, I'd much rather cook something different each night.

I miss errands being something quick and easy.  I miss being able to get up in the morning with a plan to be productive and know that the only thing that will stand in my way will be me.

And I miss feeling like I'm being a good wife.  Not feeling like in order to be a good mother I wind up being a neglectful wife, or to be a good wife I'm a neglectful mother.  And, unfortunately when I have to pick right now, being the mother wins out.  My husband is a fully grown adult who can take care of himself, I cannot say the same about my daughter.  However, that doesn't mean I miss doing things for him any less.


Things I appreciate about being a mother?

I don't know that I have a very long list for this one.

Now don't go taking that the wrong way.  I love being a mom.  Even on the days where I find mashed sweet potato in my hair at the end of it and am scraping a mushed pea off the floor, I love being a mom.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  But, it's still a little difficult to find myself in being a mom.

Regardless, I appreciate that I have a forgiving daughter.  While I'm working to find myself and figure out how to make all things work, I know I have days that I'm not at my best.  I either lack the patience, some days the energy, and other days I just miss the freedom.  But, even on the days where I'm not "perfect," my daughter still wakes me up smiling, still makes me laugh, and still wants to be in my arms.  I appreciate that while I may not ever be perfect, she will always love me regardless of it all.  I fully expect typical mother/daughter behaviors as she gets older but...I will always be her mom.

I appreciate a new found confidence in being a mom.  While I still have a lot of insecurities with myself, I know that I'm fully responsible for her.  Each and every decision, each and every move I make... it's for her. I don't have to second guess, just yet anyway, if the decisions I'm making are the best ones.  So, while I'm working on finding my confidence in myself again, she gives me something to hold on to in the "in between."

And while it seems like a simple, and perhaps mundane thing to appreciate, I appreciate my daughters laughter.  Nothing else can quite turn your day around like the sound of a child's laughter.


I think this is a topic I need to make sure I take the time to reflect on more than once a year.  There's a lot to reflect on, and a lot to be appreciative for.  And sometimes, it's easy to get so caught up in the mashed potatoes and mushed peas that you forget to take a second and be thankful for these days.  Be thankful that they won't last forever, and be thankful that you're blessed enough to enjoy them while they're here.

What do you miss most and appreciate now?